Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Why the Tax Codes Rule

A year and a half ago I dumped a grand into a 7-month CD. Just to see. I had the money kicking around at the time, and I was sick of getting sales pitches from the tellers at my Super Friendly Bank, We Love Your Business *smile*!

At their maturity, I had to go and physically close the CD at a local bank branch. Waiting in line, sitting around. Not allowed to close it out using the Interwebs (or even the telephone) technology. And of course I actually went in a few weeks after their maturity, because who has time? Counter-intuitively, closing a CD out a few weeks late results in a monetary penalty--in fact, to clear things up, this penalty is accounted for as an "early withdrawal fee."

Result
  • Interest: +$32
  • Fee: -$21
  • Net gain: +$11
Okay, so that was funny. I laughed. At the banker. And left. End of story. I Love Your Business Too *smile*!

Except of course that interest is taxable. I know, the bank sent me an official-looking form and everything. And I thought it would be fun to deduct the fee. But there wasn't a space for it on the 1040EZ...was there?

Comparison
  • 1040EZ: 13 lines. Taxes the interest, won't let you deduct the fee.
  • 1040A: 48 lines. Same problem.
  • 1040: 76 lines...and the fee is finally deductible.
So I upgrade to the full 1040. 63 extra lines, some additional puzzling over the extra instructions and definitions (I'm thorough. Besides, how else would I know if I have a tier 1 RRTA tax withheld? What's a tier 1 RRTA tax?). But with all those extra lines, one of them let me finally fill in my single extra number. Federal taxes defeated.

Ah but that's not all. My state cares about this interest income as well. Does it have a space for it? Why yes it...doesn't. Turns out my bank is actually based in a nearby state, not this one. So I need an extra schedule to correctly claim my interest income. The schedule is a few dozen cryptic lines big. After some consternation, I determine which lines matter. There are 5. In them each, I fill the exact same number: $32. I believe I'm also directed to a separate worksheet to determine one of these lines. In this worksheet, I enter a bunch of numbers, calculate some adjusted gross income figure that's special for the state, do some other gyrations. Perform some min/max reasoning which I would have instantly deduced in one line with the right placement of carats and parens (but actually took quite a bit of decoding: "If line 6 less than line 5 is greater than line 2, but less than $1500, skip lines 7 and 8 and enter line 3 on line 9...").

So much for claiming my apparently out-of-state interest income. The deduction is less work: An additional schedule, and I only have to fill 3 of its 40 lines with the number: $21.

Result
  • Net extra financial numbers (compared to 2007): 2
  • Net financial gain from these numbers: $11
  • Net extra work: over 60 extra federal lines to figure out to skip, two additional state schedules to enclose, scads of additional instructions to decode enough to determine that I can skip them. And the repeated application of the numbers $32 and $21.
  • Net tax impact of my CD experiement: $0
Happy fucking Tax Day,
NFK

2 comments:

  1. I know that our mutual friend (pseudonymously known as "Martini" on my blog) considers it a gross moral lapse to pay a penny more tax than required, but I am baffled that you decided that your time was worth so little.

    Oh, apparently there's a captcha for commenting. Joy.

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  2. But I sign something that says "Under penalty of perjury"! How can I not make it accurate and complete to the best of my knowledge? If I attest to something that I don't have any intention of taking seriously, it better be a EULA.

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